He Makes My Heart Drop West
by souptwinktrist
Summary: Tyler is a high school student that suffers from depression. He struggles with loneliness and bullying. Recently, he's been starting to get a crush on one of his friends, Josh. Josh feels the same way, but is also suicidal. This makes Tyler doubt if Josh will really stay alive for their love. As Tyler continues struggling with life at school, Josh is at home most days, alone...


~Hiya!

This piece is more of a vent kind of thing? Tyler, Josh, Jenna, Brendon, Jim, and Mark (plus more) all resemble real people in my life played as the twenty one pilots gang. Thank you for reading loves! 3

~triztan

The stairwell has a nice echo to it. Anything I say just… comes back to me. It works almost as a doubletake.

"I'm alone."

" _I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone…_ "

 **Don't cry, Tyler. Stupid. Stupid. It's just a stupid stairwell.** Get the fuck out of my head. I grab my head firmly, feeling the pounding on my left and right side of the mind. The left is crying the right is yelling. It's a mess. My life's a mess.

 **You're just fucking stupid.**

Neither sides are positive. Both are somehow complaining. I need a distraction. A good ass distraction. Sliding my hand into my pocket, I find my phone and press the home button to look for notifications. Nothing… Josh must be busy. Biting my lip, I look above to the set of stairs that continue to rise up higher. The sun's bright. My red jacket is taunting me. The color red was never the same to me after what I did. Trying to stay strong for Josh, I shake my head and jolt to a standing position. As soon as I stand up, thoughts start running through my mind. Stop stop stop! Please I just want to be normal! I want to be happy!

"Tyler?"

I look up. Shit. Mr. Urie. I blink hard, then wipe my face, realizing I'm crying.

"You doing alright?" I get the strength to look up at his face, but quite shyly.

"Mhm. Yeah I'm alright." He gives me a skeptical look. His black suit jacket has a brown bag on its shoulder with one of the sleeves hugging an arm currently resting on my shoulder. He's a nice teacher. He is. I just don't want anyone to be worried. After school I always try to avoid him when I'm in a club meeting because he'll be all Mr. Worry Urie (I came up with that with my friend Jenna in lunch).

His lips press together, showing a white color. "Are you sure, son?" I'm not your son.

"Yes," I say. Firmly this time. Mr. Urie's eyebrows raise. Fuck was that too rough? His eyebrows lowered just as I thought that and he gave me a small, toothless smile. He saluted to me, which I always thought was kind of cool, and continued walking down the stairs. One part of me was glad he left, the other wanted some company.

 **But he left. Just like Josh will**

"SHUT UP!" I must've fell because I heard a bang right below me. I can't stop crying. No no no Mr. Urie is going to come back worried. Another loud noise, but it wasn't nearby. I hear someone bolting up the stairs, they're skipping every few steps to get here fast. It's probably-

"Tyler? Tyler!" I feel arms around me. Strong arms. Arms hugged by a jacket. It's black. Mr. Urie is holding me. He cares. That fact broke me. It shattered my soul. I couldn't tell if it was good or bad, but it left me in pieces. I'm soaking his jacket now, grabbing onto it with all my life.

"What's going on, Ty?" I shook my head, refusing to talk, trying to seem like I'm fine. But he won't leave me alone if I lie. Do I really want to be left alone though? I internally voted on staying silent. I lifted my head a little just so I can see what he looks like. Fuck. He's crying…

"Why are you crying, sir?"

"You're a brilliant kid Ty… it pains me to see your emotions get the best of your brilliance."

I sniffle a bit, relaxing in his hug. He looked at me expectantly, patiently waiting for me to talk. I sighed real quiet so he couldn't hear. Maybe I should give it a go. I say I'm lonely but… Mr. Urie clearly wants to know whats happening with me. My mind started to race again. What if I say the wrong thing? I'll get baker acted! It'll be my fourth admission. That means… Oh god. My breathing started to get uneven and short. He noticed immediately and became gentler with his grip. He probably thought he messed up. I shook my head, hoping he'd know what I meant. I opened my mouth to speak but this whole situation is just so confusing and a mess. I shook my head, making up my mind.

Pulling away from his embrace, I started mumbling about how mom had dinner made and she's waiting for me outside. I can only imagine the look on his face… he must think he fucked up. I wish I could tell him why. Tell him it's about someone I love. Someone that's in pain. He's head of GSA, I'm sure he would be okay with me talking about a boy.

 **He'll probably think you're some lonely teen heartbroken and yearning aft-**

Do you ever shut up? Racing down the stairs, I try to get Josh out of my head. The more I think about him the more fucked up and overwhelmed I feel. Feelings are so complicated. I bring my hoodie up to my head, holding each side of it tight, like it's a sort of lifeline.

 **Josh doesn't love you.**

Yes, he does he posts about me all the time on Instagram. He calls me babe sometimes. Probably as some kind of joke but... you know… still!

 **He's going to** _ **leave you.**_

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"No he isn't." The hallways didn't give me an answer. Only silence was gifted back to me.

 **He's going to end his life. You're not a reason enough. You're not** _ **good enough.**_

I gulped hard and kept walking, my legs feeling numb under me. Blurry is right…

 **You can't save him.**

No. I can't.

 **You'll die alone.**

The fucking tears. Am I crying because of the cruelty or because I know it's true? I don't know what's left and right anymore. What is up? What is down? Where is north? Where is east? This boy. This goddamn boy. Josh makes me doubt my surroundings. Sometimes I feel like he's blinding me with this love and confusion, while other times its like he's giving me directions into the light. I slap my head. Blurry… come back. Give me the truth. Brutal and cold. I need it. I kept doing this the whole way to the car. Slapping my head, mumbling under my breath, grabbing onto the walls to prevent myself from falling. Eventually I made it outside and to the white Infiniti pulled up.

"Hi Ty! How are you? Guess who wanted to surprise you?" Ugh. Probably Uncle Jim or Grandpa Mark. The window started to roll down and I saw a boy with bright yellow hair, gauges, and a nose piercing smiling up at me.

"Josh...?"


End file.
